For many men, proposing to the woman of their dreams can be a happy, yet daunting task. Will she say yes? Will she like the ring? Will her friends and family approve?
Unfortunately, I don’t have any of the answers, but I do have some tips and, hopefully, fail-safe ideas to get you there.
There seems to be near universal agreement that the tradition of engagement rings began in 1477 when Archduke Maximillian of Austria bought his future wife Mary of Burgundy a killer diamond ring. He basically set the standard and since that momentous event, the tradition has spread and men have spent an excessive amount of time and money finding the perfect ring for their brides-to-be.
There used to be a theory that a man should spend approximately two months worth of his salary on a diamond ring. But these days, rings can vary between a few hundred dollars to the $90,000 whopper I saw at the jewellery shop this month (and yes, I did try it on just for the sake of it!).
Your average diamond engagement ring would cost between $2,500 and $7,000. Always remember, however, when looking at how much to spend on an engagement ring you need to look at how much you can actually afford. Are you able to finance the ring? Do you want to make monthly payments or pay the ring off at once? These things should factor in your choice.
A good tip is to go window shopping for engagement rings. Take your fiancé-to-be and have a play in the jewellery shops. Then you will get an idea of what she likes, and how much different rings cost. You don’t have to decide on anything then and there, just make sure she knows you are only looking! Try on all different shapes and sizes of diamond (if that is the stone you are going for) and try on different colours of metal, yellow gold, white gold, platinum etc…
The Diamond Route
If you decide to go down the diamond route, you need to familiarise yourself with the four Cs: carat, clarity, colour and cut. These all determine the cost of a diamond.
Carat
Carat refers to the weight of a diamond. The more carats, the more expensive the ring will be. Just remember, bigger isn’t always better.
Clarity
Evaluators of diamonds base part of the price on luster and sheen. These relate to the clarity of the stone. For example, you can spend less on a very large but cloudy diamond than on a small but transparent and shiny one.
Colour
The sparkle or refraction of light from a white diamond is often the deal-maker. The more colour one has, the less sparkle there is, so bear that in mind.
Cut
The cut of a diamond also determines the brilliance or sparkle of a diamond
Shape
I know it doesn’t start with a C but the shape of the diamond will be something you will also need to look at and choose. The most common shapes include:
Proposal ideas
Once you’ve got a ring, the next step is to pop the question. You can do it the old-fashioned way, down on one knee with the ring in your hand, or you can try one of these other ideas…
1. Write "Marry me (name)" in chalk on the street outside your house or on your driveway, in big letters.
2. Call the radio station and get them to pop the question for you over the air then dedicate a song to her.
3. Gather friends and family outside her home waving banners with the words Will You Marry Me on them with you in front, on one knee, holding the ring.
4. Wrap a large box and fill it with smaller boxes and have the ring inside the smallest box. Alternatively, wrap a large box and fill with feathers and let her look for the ring. (note, don’t try this in an open field or on the beach in case the ring pops out and gets lost in the grass/sand)
5. Take her away for the weekend and, when you are on your last day, pop the question.
6. Cook your loved one a romantic meal and place a note around the napkin like it is a napkin holder, asking her to marry you, or slip the napkin inside the ring.
7. Give her a foot massage and place the ring on her toe.
8. Run a bath with scented candles, rose petals and, after she is in the tub, float a bath toy with the ring tied to it.
9. Spell your proposal out in glow-in-the-dark star stickers on your ceiling.
10. Leave a trail of notes for her to follow and when she reaches the end you will be standing there with a sign saying "Will you marry me?"
Law abiding citizen
Lastly, make sure you are legally allowed to marry before you propose.
According to the second edition of the Introduction to South Pacific Law, in all countries of the South Pacific region you must have reached a minimum age at the time of the ceremony. In Fiji, Samoa and Vanuatu, males must be at least 18 and females must be at least 16. In the Solomon Islands and Tonga, both parties must be at least 15. In Tuvalu you must be 16 and in Kiribati the age has been increased to 18. In New Zealand you must be 18 or, if you have parental consent, you may marry at 16.
Prohibited relationships
In Kiribati, Samoa, Tuvalu and New Zealand the marriage laws state you may not marry someone within close blood relationship or someone who is closely related by marriage or civil union. In Samoa however, the Supreme Court may consent to the marriage of persons who are within these prohibited degrees of affinity.
Bigamy and polygamy
In most countries of the South Pacific, legislation states that a statutory marriage will be void if one of the parties was, at the time of the marriage, already married to someone else who was still alive. In Samoa a polygamist marriage entered into in accordance with custom has been recognised as valid by the courts. In Papua New Guinea the courts also recognise polygamist marriages pending certain circumstances.
Place and time
To make things more difficult, in some countries a marriage must be held in a particular place in between particular times. In Samoa a marriage ceremony is required to be held with open doors and in Solomon Islands the ceremony must be held between 6am and 6.30pm in a church or between 10am and 4pm in the district registrars office.
If you’re still stuck, check out our four couples who share their stories about their weddings and civil union and meet four men who share their proposal stories (all scattered throughout this feature).
Good Luck!
